Let It Go!

 

When I was at school I was bullied by a girl in my form, she made my life really miserable and I couldn't wait to leave. Almost 30 years later I met her while I was out shopping. She came over to me, introduced herself, and said how sorry she was and could I forgive her. The poor woman had been carrying that guilt for decades. I, on the other hand, had completely forgotten about it.

Sometimes holding on to anger, guilt, resentment, hurt, etc. can cause so many problems in our lives. It can even prevent us from living the life we deserve. We may be thinking about someone, and really angry or sad with how they treated us. They may even be somewhere having the best day of their lives. 

Who are we hurting?

Did They Really Mean To Hurt You?

Often the pain we experience is unfounded, perhaps the person who hurt you didn't mean what they said, perhaps you misjudged or misheard? Also we may be holding on to it from the minds eye of a young girl. As we age we also become a different person, wiser, more experienced, able to know what it important and what is not. 

Childhood trauma can not only stay with us, but can magnify, as we go over and over things in our mind, often exaggerating what really happened. It can stop us doing things we love. I was terrible at art at school and my teacher told me I should never pick up a paintbrush again. For many years I didn't, until I realised she probably didn't mean it, so I started painting. I'm still terrible, but I don't care!

Give Yourself A Gift

Letting go of pain and anger is the best present you could ever give yourself. You can be  proud that you are strong enough to let go, brave enough to move forward and free to enjoy your life.

But how do you let go of something you have been holding on to for years, maybe decades? How do you forgive, when it still hurts?

Firstly, acknowledge that  it isn't real. It may be something that happened, but it is not here now, it's done.

Write It Down

Write down whatever it is that hurt you and do something tangible with it. For example tear it in too little pieces, set fire to it, throw it in the bin, Write it on a ballon and pop it. You are in control.

Now that you have got rid of a negative thought, replace it with a positive one. For example,

Negative thought - I can't paint

Positive thought - I am learning how to paint.

Olive Branch

You are now back in control of, not only what hurt you then, but any future pain you experience. You know the strategy for getting rid of negative thoughts and feelings, use it whenever you need.

If you feel really strong, you may even be able to send out an olive branch to the person who hurt you. They won't be able to hurt you anymore. 

It is very liberating to be able to free yourself from pain.

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